The great thing about dating is that I learn so much about myself and how I respond to the world. I wrote the majority of this post angry and jaded, but, now I've potentially gained more insight into this new-fangled dating world. Still, after over a year and a half of chatting with Australia-- what the fuck WAS I thinking?
I guess this has to start off with Australia. For those of you who didn't know about him: now you do. I'm not going through the motions of how we met, but just know that we've known each other for around a year and a half. During this time period, we have been more than friendly on a couple occasions; even dating for a bit, but if I can't even manage to handle dating someone an hour away by plane, someone that was oceans away wouldn't work either. This brings me to my rant on technology and romance: technology ruins dating completely.
That being said, you can't just avoid the obvious. I understand that having technology helps-- without it, I wouldn't have been even talking to this guy who lives oceans away. Skype helped because it allowed us to mimic the face-to-face communication in getting to know one another. However, this story involves the mother of all social networking: Facebook. I don't know about you, but facebook is like the gateway into my soul. You can find so much about me from my facebook page-- you can stalk my pictures, you can read my thoughts, you can see what I'm saying to other people: it's essentially a fast glance into my life. Privacy is kind of a big deal for me. My need for privacy is why, even when I add people on my facebook, I separate them all into groups. If I don't know someone that well, I put them under "Acquaintances" (which to be honest, is even worse than NOT adding someone for me. You can't see anything of mine if I put you under this group.) I can hide things from people. I can share the album of all those photos from that party last Friday night, and no one else will be able to find out about it. If you're technologically savvy enough, you can find ways to do all of these things and not get caught.
If you aren't-- well, then just don't add people you don't trust as a facebook friend. Bringing me to my next point: Australia and I were really close. Enough for me to have wanted to communicate with him on a more personal level: facebook. He claimed that he didn't have one. A year ago, I respected it. I understand people don't get the hype behind facebook and don't buy into it. It's whatever. I left it alone for that moment. You know, till enough time had passed in our friendship/flirtation that I felt comfortable enough and I did a little snooping and I found out that he indeed had a facebook. By this point in time, let me note that Australia gave me his home address and his telephone number. I clicked on his info and I found out why he hid the fact that he had a facebook from me: It was because he was already in a committed relationship. For well over two years. WHAT THE FUCK. I freaked out, but kept it to myself and subtly hinted at it throughout the course of our flirtation. I had asked enough to the point where I just lay the issue to bed, because I creeped on his profile a little later and they had broken up, and he had admitted to me that he had just got out of a serious relationship. Alright, easy enough. You could have admitted that to me, before, but whatever-- life happens. Shit happens. It goes on. I'll let this lie slide for now. Man, fuck my life. I no longer trusted him though, so I kept his facebook on lockdown, checking every now and then for signs of life. Nope. Looked like he actually HAD stopped really using it.
You know, till I checked recently and for some reason, had the idea in my head to go facebook searching for his name again. And guess what I found? Australia had apparently caught onto all of my hints and created a new facebook profile. Where he was in another relationship. Again. Let me point out that when Chicago and I had entered into a relationship, I gave Australia the common courtesy of being honest and letting him know we had to break off whatever this weird friendship/flirtation was. But yet again, this explained the long periods of not talking and feeling distant. I understand that: but why wouldn't you just talk to me and be honest about it? Why? It was because he didn't consider me a serious or viable enough option for him to pursue anymore, so why even bother?
Yeah, probably all of the above. At the same time, you just have to learn how to trust your gut instinct and not rely on technology to confirm your fears. The red flags that pop up in your head are there for a reason, so, trust them every once in awhile. When you introduce technology into a relationship, you introduce more reasons to not trust someone. You essentially introduce more reasons to doubt the other person's fidelity when you introduce more and more modes of technology. The advent of e-mail brought significant others sneaking on inboxes and outboxes. The introduction of text messaging meant making excuses for when you got caught trying to see what was on your partner's phone. With facebook, there are more ways to be sneaky, more ways to get caught. And with that doubt, gives the other person more reason to do any of that stuff.
I guess that's what made Australia click. And I guess that's what makes me so insecure. And that's why we don't talk anymore. But good for me, right?
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