I fell in love during the wrong season.

It's a known fact that summer is a season where romances should be kept light and casual. It is a season where one can flutter about and do whatever he or she wants-- as the heat rises, tempers, and minds flare up and cause indecisive thoughts. You shouldn't have to choose between a single person during the summer. However, as the temperature starts to go down, so do the amount of prospects, and the desire for one person to just cuddle up next to gets stronger.

Winter is a couple's season. Therefore, I fell in love during the wrong season.

A big part of me is in love with remnants of my past:

the people I hurt,

the ones that I used to love, 

the choices I've made,

and the mistakes that have transpired from them.

You know those days where you just want to stop the world and get back to your sweetheart?

This is one of those days. Granted, I no longer have a sweetheart to go home to-- but I still miss every inch of you. Maybe you'll come back to me one day.

Here's to hoping.

Short entry for now, as I'm working on my very long, extensive travel post.

xx

Christa

closing time

All I have to say right now is that it's closing time.

Fuck finals,

I'm done.

Peace.

(Not done with the blog, but the semester.)

xx

still now, I send letters into space

It's funny only because I had a conversation with one of my best friends today that went like this:

Her: You still miss him, don't you?

Silence. 

(It took me awhile to gather my thoughts and formulate an answer to give to her.)

Me: I don't miss him, I miss the idea of us. I miss what I had with him. Not him. I'm over him.

Her: Are you sure?

Me: Yes. Positive. If he came back, I wouldn't take him back. He'd have to earn that shit.

Still, I'd do it again.

Even though it ends up with me writing you unsent letters 

and wishing on every 11:11 

and every star and airplanes 

and knowing that I loved you entirely too much, entirely too soon. 

i never made promises lightly

Listening to this song will always take me back to middle school. I had the pleasure of singing this song for my dad's show. I was in some weird ass medieval-era costume and held a basket. I don't know. Don't ask me, I don't really remember. The point is... I was a late bloomer when it came to relationships. This song reminds me that when there's no other guy you can turn to.... your daddy is always there.

i was led astray, the day you walked away

This song will always remind me of Springfield, Missouri. No ifs, ands or buts. There's a big part of me that will rest with "Missouri", a huge chunk of my heart. It's impossible to be involved with someone for two and a half years and not have a sense of possessiveness with them. A portion of me will always be filled with regret and things I should have said (but didn't.) I will always look back at my time with Missouri fondly, if only to recall how hard I tried to open up, and how difficult it was for him to do so with me.

pull me into your weather patterns

To explain the relative importance of this song to someone in short-form is impossible. This song is the song that very fervently underscored the relationship (or lack of one) with my first love. I fell in love to this song, and it is one that I cannot listen to all the way without wanting to strangle someone, or at least shedding one tear. This song is the reason I cannot bare to think of the states "Virginia" or "Maryland" and not want to behead someone.

pugsy malone!

Everyone knows how much I love pugs.

This will always cheer me up.

Just a little image to cheer everyone up through finals.

xx

Christa

thinking about forever...

This song was written by one of the greats, Frank Ocean, for this artist, Bridget Kelly. The song is actually titled "Thinking About You," while Bridget renamed it "Thinking About Forever." I'm going to use this song to preface when I talk about my current dating escapades, mainly because this is exactly how I feel at the moment.

i'm no superman, i hope you like me as i am.

I figured out how I'm going to structure this blog, and hopefully you all will be able to appreciate how I'm doing this. You know how the doctor says "An apple a day keeps the doctor away"? Well. This blog will be like that, but I'll pick a song to structure the day around, and this blogpost around. And through that, I'll mention various aspects of my life, anecdotes that go along with this song. However, in hindsight, that quote would have been pun-nier if the song I had picked was "Apple." Oh well, my loss. 

Shit Girls Say

I wanted this post to be long and deep. But instead, I'll focus on this gem.

"Shit Girls Say."

I do everything in this video down to a T.

"AAAAAAAAHHH TWINSIES."

xx,

Christa

gratuitous christmas list

Here are things that I probably don't deserve, but I still want them anyway. Want to be an awesome friend? Okay, get me these things.

Diabetic Socks. 

I know this sounds weird, but they are extremely comfortable. I also found this fall that I am (now) diabetic. These socks do not hinder my circulation and I sound like a geriatric talking about them, but I have around two pairs and they are probably God's greatest gift to diabetics. Okay. 

They are probably $5 for a pack of two at Walgreens. I will love you forever if you get me a bunch of them. (And my roommate is laughing at me because these are at the top of my Christmas wishlist, but don't make fun of me. God will smite you and probably send you the gift of diabetes. It's the gift that keeps on giving. Just kidding, I would never wish that upon anyone.)

Fleur de Sel Caramels from TheCaramelJar (Etsy)

For those of you who know I have diabetes, this is probably the worst gift to get me. Or you can pull a concerned friend and go, "But Christa.... You're diabetic. You probably shouldn't be eating this shit. It is bad for your already high blood sugar!" You know how I'll respond to that? "I don't really give a fuck because I will order these puppies on a regular basis. I was a dedicated customer all of last year, and if you buy me a gift certificate (or two... or three... or four...), I will love you forever."

$10.00 for one gift certificate, which will be redeemable towards a 1/2 pound jar.

Dean & DeLuca's Chicken Pot Pies

For some reason, I just became incredibly aware that I'm hungry. So around half of the things on this list will be food-related. Fuck me. Anyway, so you know that movie "American Pie?" Where Jason Biggs has sex with a pie because apparently that's what masturbating feels like to men. I wouldn't know because I don't have a penis, and I feel like it would be weird to shove my cooch into a pie. If that's TMI, then I don't really care, because if you know me, you know I have weird cravings. But I do have a secret, constant craving for pies. Savoury pies. Yes, I spelled savoury with a 'u' because I like to pretend I am British. I love Cornish pasties, I love empanadas. I love meat with pastry. Is that a bad thing?

Dean and Deluca is selling sets of 2 pot pies for $20 here.

Urban Decay's Naked Palettes

(Although I just really want Naked2, as I have two Naked palettes)

I don't normally wear makeup. I have no one to impress. But when I want to look "natural," or I'm just in the mood to look "pretty," I bust out UD's Naked Palette and go to town on my eyes. Yeah, that's right. I go to town on them hardcore with the Naked palette. Anyway, the Naked2 palette just came out and I want to feel like I'm on the makeup bandwagon. So... yeah.. Also, Naked2 comes with more "matte" colors to make me feel more adultish, and not like a hooker with tons of glitter and shimmer.

$50.00 on UD's website, but they're sold out. So just buy it off EBay.

VISA gift cards

List of vendors who sell prepaid VISA cards

I have a bad habit for shopping online. If you get me one of these in any varying amount, I will probably love you forever and ever (amen.) These are pretty much the only things I'm really asking for this Christmas, basically because they're a lifesaver and they're sort of like donations to my wallet. My poor, broke college student's wallet. 

The great thing about these puppies is that you can put any amount you want on them.

You can probably find them in any Supermarket.

EDIT:

Also, and a girl can dream...

Joe Brooks.

But not in a creepy way. Although I am aware that putting him under my "gratuitous christmas list" automatically makes me a creeper. But all I want for Christmas is for him and I to become buds. The kind of buds that jam together and make fun of each other. And give each other presents. And bake and cook together. And become raging alcoholics together. 

Zac Efron.

No picture because you know who he is and this was meant to be creepy. I want his body. Not like on me, but like, in me. HAHAHA. That was so scary. I'm sorry. This was totally a joke. (Or was it?)

The Songs That We Sing

I watched Melancholia today. Charlotte Gainsbourg is absolutely stunning and one of the most beautiful people I have ever had the pleasure to watch on screen.  I have to admit, I wasn't feeling my best when I was watching Melancholia, but for the parts that I was awake during-- it was beautiful. Charlotte Gainsbourg was a standout for me. I wasn't particularly in awe from Kirsten Dunst's performance, nor do I think Melancholia was "bad" or "good." I just didn't watch enough to judge it. But I will say that Charlotte Gainsbourg blew me the fuck away. I absolutely adore her.

I guess I felt uncomfortable during Melancholia because I feel that way. 

I don't feel, nor do I really want to.

11:11

Make a wish, everyone.